How much cock would a dick cock cock if a dick cock could suck cock?
Dick. Cock. Dick. Cock. Dick. Cock. That’s the sound of my phone sex clock.
Its all about cock and sound effects. My hands are covered with dried spit from feigning sucking cock, faking getting skull fucked and gagged, and all purpose wet-pussy sounds. Gross, I know, but I’ve got to cleanse my brain first. Not to mention, I broke a belt I’ve had since 1986 smacking my office chair in a phone game of pain-slut. A belt that would give some Sally Jesse Rafael-eyeglass-wearing hipster American Apparel size 0 spandex leggings ass a multiple orgasm. Mind you I love a good spanking, but that’s on my own time. I save my actual ass-beatings for my private time.
All these knuckle-dragging apes don’t really call about pussy. The cunt is just a side dish on their cafeteria tray of phallus. We talk about:
1. The size of their dick.
1.a. If it’s small, the dick is mocked.
1.b If it’s average, the dick is then accepted and sometimes exaggerated in the course of the call. Ego and cock stroking is one of the same.
1. c If the cock is above average, then dick is showered with accolades. Sexual prowess is assumed.
2. The size of dicks I have had.
2. a If they ask about the largest, I am partially honest. I’ve been a lucky lady. My first boyfriend ever kindly measured his while we sat in my Tiger Beat bedroom listening to Slayer. Nine inches first time at bat does a size queen make. I’ll leave it at that. Still. I add inches here and there contingent on the tale.
2. b If they ask about the smallest. I am very honest. It was a sad little 3 inch affair attached to a really butch, macho guy that I had a huge crush on. He left town not longer after I didn’t feel him inside my vagina.
2. c If they ask about all the big black cocks I’ve had, well I have to lie. I’ve never been in closer contact with a black dick. Not on purpose, it is just I grew up on the Northside of Racistville, USA where there was nary a black man to tempt me. As it would end up, I was socialized around a lot of white meat and it just has never happened. So, these ding-dongs who want to chit-chat about giant black dicks are working on stereotypes anyway. So I just play along. Porn comes in handy. So these dicks are enormous.
3 They want to suck dick.
3a. I’ve sucked dick for let’s see 27 years now, so I just talk them through my game. It’s a good one. Trust me.
4. They want to suck MY dick.
4a. This is tricky. I don’t have a dick. Just your regular all-american twat.
5. They want me to suck their dick.
5a. No brainer for the most part, but there are the variables-do they want me to spit, swallow, spray it all over my face, cum on my tits, me to spit their cum back in their mouths. No to mention the stinky pinky. Can I drag the call out with some ball fondling, rimming, and prostate probing? Sometimes.
6. They want their girl friend to suck/fuck someone else’s dick.
6a. See 2c.
7. Cum Volume
7a. Volume of ejaculate is often coupled with the cock talk. “How much did he shoot out of that giant 13 inch black snake?” “How far did he shoot?” ”I can come buckets!” In my real life, never paid that much attention to how much jizz came out of a man’s dick. A little, but not a whole lot. I’ve always been more attune to the taste than volume. There was they heavy metal dude, who tasted like battery acid. No pun intended. So I deduced quickly that one must cum like a fucking firehose and that seems to keep the pervs in line.
When I started this work I honestly was concerned about how I’d describe a pussy. But quickly I realized it didn’t matter. It was all about the dick and then at some point after a half an hour or so about dick talk, then on occasion they’ll want to stick their dick somewhere—a mouth, a pussy, an ass, a dog.
One day, this will all make sense, in the meantime I’m going to wrap it up, wash my hands, and go suck my boyfriend’s very big dick.
